Troubled Writer

I like to write.
But sometimes my feelings are so abstract there is no deciphering them.
My emotions will travel throughout my body, surging from my heart, rushing to the depths of my bellybutton, jumping from cheek to cheek, twinkling in my eyes.
I try my best to suppress, but there is no hiding them.
I must tell someone how I am feeling.
But as I go to speak, only half of the words come out.
Reaching for a piece of paper and pen, I fill in the blanks.
Even so, there are still words left unsaid, feelings left unshared.
Though I never stop attempting to write, or speak.
For these, along with many others, are the healing methods of the righteous.


Free Spirited

Inside me,is a spirit that defines me.
Constantly affected by my surroundings.
Protected by the binding of words that make up The Word.
Shared freely with those I come in contact with.
Slightly reserved, with a willingness to be open.
Surrendered completely.
My spirit is not a secret, it is a testimony to the life I now live.
No longer trapped by death, a spirit that moves like the wind.
Forever within God’s embrace.
Never alone.
A spirit loved with a love that is everlasting.
Reaching towards eternity.
With an overwhelming affection for the living perfection, that guides and protects us.


Brown Girl, Cold Heart

To be visible in the eyes of the Creator,
is to be transformed, set apart, and zealous.
To be visible in the eyes of the world,
is to conform.

To be invisible in the eyes of the world,
is to be nothing but a little dark brown girl.
With curls softer than the night,
a smile luminous like the moon.
And eyes that sparkle like the stars.
She’s only nine years old,
but she’s got a cold heart.

Because it hurts too much to cry,

and tears wont solve her problems.

But her day’s will get brighter,

her soul will run like fire.

And as her cold heart melts,
she learns to love herself.
And as her love grows large,
she’ll take charge.
Her soul runs free,
and sets her heart ablaze.

They’ll be so amazed.

To be visible in the eyes of the Creator,
is to know your worth.
To be visible in the eyes of the Creator,
is to share your hurt.
So take my hand, show yourself,
to the world,
we will unveil…


A Heavy Heart

(an old poem I wrote that I found while flipping through my journal)

Heavy is the heart that hopes for tomorrow.
With dreams so big, but her time is borrowed.
With a smile so bright, keeps her from crying.
Heavy is the heart that’s slowly dying.

But nobody knows the secrets she holds.

She sends a prayer up to God at night,
that she wakes to the morning light.

Because every breath of air is a gift to her heart, from her lungs.
And every word she speaks is the soundtrack to her mind.

Heavy is the heart that hopes for tomorrow.
With dreams so big but her time is borrowed.


Spiritual Elements

Water and wind.
Elements that will forever remind me of the spirt.
With the deepest of depths, and the strongest of pulls,
leading us into eternity.
Powerful and gentle,
Loud and quiet,
close your eyes, open your hearts,
and listen to the mysteries that lie within.
The secret messages between water and wind.
Two elements that represent the best of friends.
Loyal to one another.
obedient to the winds call.
fearlessly leading water from shore to shore.
In sync with one another,
they move with the same rhythm.
Two spirits,
guiding each other.
With sweet whispers that tell stories of the beginning of times.


Fundraising for Global Leadership Conference & Missions Contribution!

Dear reader,


My name is Courtney Smith. I am a twenty year old college student who has made the decision to live my life for Christ.  It has been about a month and a half since my baptism on May 11, 2014, and let me tell you, I have learned so much! It’s amazing how God continues to reveal Himself to me through His word.  By reading, understanding and applying the scriptures I have learned the importance of love, compassion, humility, and patience.  The world is full of darkness, and I hope to follow in the footsteps of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ, by being a light in the world, and in my own community.  My church, San Francisco Bay International Christian Church is asking each member to contribute $200.00 in order to continue sending out mission teams that provide faith based mentoring programs for teens and adults, as well as chemical recovery programs to help those struggling with addictions. Not only do I have a $200.00 dollar goal for missions contribution, but I also have a separate $200.00 goal in hopes of attending the 2014 Global Leadership Conference where I will be attending various women’s leadership seminars learning how to become a leader for women within the church.  So, in total I am fundraising $400.00 in order to help those in need as well as collect funding to attend the leadership conference.  Learning different leadership skills will allow me to continue to offer a helping hand through faith based mentoring and community service!



Courtney Smith





My New Self

There is a newness about me that I have yet to figure out.
My body now hosts two spirits; mine and the Holy Spirit.
I am no longer who I used to be, but I am still myself.
My new self.
What does this new self consist of?
How am I being perceived by the world?
I am no longer a slave to sin therefore who I used to be no longer exists.

I often find myself in situations where I am at a loss for words.
There’s no more filling awkward silences with gossip, or slander.
Now, it’s just awkward silence, and awkward smiles.
There’s not a second of the day that goes by without me thinking of Christ, His sacrifice.
Every move, every thought, is consumed with Christ.
It’s so new to me.

If you would have asked me a couple of months ago what the cross meant to me I would have fed you a bunch of beautiful lies about my so called faith. I would have listed worldly reasons as to why I loved God.
There was a fakeness about my old self.
A disguise so well worn that even I could not recognize who I was.
Numb to the core, the hardest of hearts, with a smile plastered on to my face.
Selfish with my thoughts, most comfortable when left alone.

There’s a newness about me.
A sense of belonging, of being well loved.
It’s a newness that can only be gained through Christ.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26 NIV)


Bold As a Lion

There’s this thing we do, as a church, called tagging—for those of you on the west coast, I don’t mean tagging as in illegal graffiti. Tagging, is a term we use for fundraising.  We go out and ask for donations to help with missions.  I know, seems simple.  But, what I wasn’t expecting, was for my heart to grow through these tagging experiences.  During the past few weeks, not only has my faith increased, but my boldness has increased as well.  I’ve realized that God will reveal Himself through our boldness—through taking a leap of faith.  Because how can ones faith grow if they never act on it.  Your boldness will blossom, through acts of faith.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. (Psalm 145:17 NIV)
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. (2 Corinthians 3:12 NIV)
The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. (Proverbs 28:1 NIV)



What is love?

In our society, the meaning of the word love has been diluted.  The act of loving someone has become this temporary emotion shared between two people who have grown an attraction for one another.  The phrase “I love you” is used in such a way that it has now become casual.  We tend to forget that love in and of itself is not only an emotion.  Love is a way of life.  As disciples we are called to love one another as Christ has loved us.  God is love, and Jesus is the embodiment of love.  He is the example.  To love like Christ is to love selflessly.  We must not only love those who love us, but we must love those who do not love us.  As followers of Christ, when we say ‘I love you’ we should not say so expecting love in return.  We must love unconditionally, love with mercy, as our Father in heaven has loved us by sending His one and only son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:32-36 NIV)